You know you live in a small town when...
*The town newspaper is published monthly
*The town is named after EVERYONE'S distant relative.
*It was founded on April Fools' Day as a practical joke.
*The Ice Cream store has only two flavors, chocolate and vanilla.
*There's no hospital -- only a first aid kit
*For fun on Saturday nights, people drive up and down main street.
*There's no bank... as soon as someone gets enough money, they leave.
*The local phone book has only one yellow page.
*Hardware, Dry Goods, Grocery, Clothing and farm supplies are all sold at the same store. (the ONLY store!)
*Third Street is on the edge of town
*You don't signal turns because everyone knows where you're going, anyway.
*No social events are scheduled when the school gym floor is being varnished.
*You call a wrong number and they supply you with the correct one.
*The city limits signs are both on the same post.
*The 7-11 is only open from 8 - 5.
*The only road crossing Main Street is a dirt road.
*The New Year's baby was born in October.
*The one-block-long Main Street dead ends in both direction
*There's no place to go that you shouldn't
*"Night on the Town" takes only 11 minutes
*At the last beauty contest, nobody won 2nd or 3rd.
*The "road hog" in front of you on Main Street is a farmer's combine.
*You leave your jacket on the back of the chair in the cafe, and when you go back the next day, it's still there, on the same chair.
*Everyone knows all the news before it's published; they just read the hometown paper to see whether the publisher got it right.
*The City jail is called amoeba, because it only has one cell.
* The McDonalds only has one Golden Arch.
* The ZIP code is a fraction.
* Second Street is in the next town over.
* The mayor had to annex property to eat a foot-long hot dog.
*You speak to each dog you pass by name and he wags his tail at you.
*You drive into the ditch five miles out of town and the word gets back before you do.
*You dial a wrong number and talk for 15 minutes anyway.
*You can’t walk for exercise because every car that passes you offers you a ride.
*You miss a Sunday at church and receive a get-well card.
*Someone asks you how you feel and listens to what you say.